Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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