I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
