If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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