All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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