They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
