you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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