Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
