im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
