Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
After last night, I could never be a politician.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
