I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
love makes seman taste better
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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