you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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