bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
