Please, let me fuck your mom
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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