You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
