She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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