i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
