She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
