I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
