Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
