You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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