I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize