drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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