Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
