Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I enjoy the company of your penis
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
