His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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