covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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