worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
