This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
