not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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