By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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