totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
