Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
