Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
