So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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