He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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