mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
In America we eat man semen.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
