it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
