Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
