Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
