he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
