I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
