Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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