his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
