Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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