Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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