Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
