I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
