he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
