I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
