so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
