I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize