I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
