walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
