I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
