it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
