perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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