dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
