The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize