Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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