Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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