just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
