Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
