I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
