I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
