he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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