I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
