he wants to bone in the snuggie
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
