I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
