Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize