i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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