I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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