Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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