it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
