Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
