You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize