She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
