how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
