drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
