SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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