I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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