True but thats because hes a fetus.
my being single is dangerous.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
