Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
