Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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