I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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